Holy Christ on a Cracker

Hokay. Got moved in to a new apartment with my beau. And it's a complete and utter mess...Halloween night we spent 12 soldid hours moving, packing and cleaning. So all the time and effort I put into my costume was for not. We didn't get to do anything. I'm really bummed. It was only the two of us moving and cleaning, so it took for-freaking-ever. I'll still try and get some pics of the outfit together. If only for my own amusement.

On a slightly lighter note. I had another zombie dream this morning so I decided to look up interpretation of zombies in dreams. All I found was boredom/illness and deep seated fear. Nothing really fit in with my dreams. All of it was either running away from the zombies, getting killed or lethargy. In my dreams, I'm following either me or the main character of the dream as they try to lead people to safety. Some dreams are more violent than others, but no one has ever died or been bitten. I'm not running in fear. I'm not scared. I'm not afraid. It's just kind of feels like a slightly fast-paced every day thing.

Apparently a lot of people have these dreams, but most of them, even zombie fanatics, are scared in their dreams. Personally, I've never really had nightmares. I've only ever had 2 dreams that actually scared me. For most of my dreams that would be considered scary I wake up and think "I think it was trying to be scary...meh." I find nightmares somewhat fascinating just because I've never really had any.

If anyone reads this, do you or anyone you know have zombie dreams?

Steveland Cleamer

Yesterday was the day my roommate and best friend left to move her stuff across the state. I barely held it together until she left. I didn't even make it back in the apartment after she left before I started crying. I started and just couldn't stop. I tried setting up my computer and upgrading it. It wasn't until my boyfriend took me to Fredmeyer's for Drain-o and to look at computer parts that I finally managed to stop crying. And I'm crying again right now.

Yesterday, I was just completely out of it all day. I couldn't function. I couldn't stomach food. I was just incredibly messed up. Caffeine, sleep deprivation and too much sugar seriously didn't improve the situation.

She left a lot of her treats and things behind which I've been systematically eating. I feel bad eating them and so fast, but I just really want them gone. First so they don't go bad and second that they'll just keep reminding me that she's gone. I'll see her again, but it's just not the same.

I went in her bedroom last night...It just looks so depressing. Small bits of trash everywhere and a few little things she didn't take with her. I almost broke down again last night, but managed to hold it together.

She's the only person I've every really considered to be my best friend. I've known her almost 6 years now. Every other friend I've ever had since my first friend when I was a kid hasn't lasted more that 2-3 at the most. I've just lost touch with them over time. I have a few friends. But none close, location-wise and emotionally. So this is killing me a bit. But I'll get over it, maybe.

She'll get internet and I'll be getting my phone soon. We'll have webcam movie watching days, rp days and sewing days. I'll be fine.


It really doesn't help that I've been incredibly stressed over work. We have a new manager with no current sewing experience. I'm worried about keeping my job. If I'll ever get promoted. If I'll get enough hours. Work has just been thrown through a loop, since the new manager knows nothing about the hours people need. It's just incredibly stressful. At least I've been sewing a bit.

BUBUHUBU

Holy Mother Mary. Wow. It's been so long since I updated this thing. So I completely redid the layout and color scheme. I'n'it purdy? But holy jeebus, I haven't posted about anything that's happened in the last...let's see...1 1/2 since I started this blog... Therefore a bulleted list!!! DUNDUNDUN!!!

• I did get a job. About a month after I make this blog. I work at a fabric store in my "hometown." I put that is quotes because it's not the town I was born in, it's just the place I feel the most at home. Working there is awesome, save for the lack of hours.
  
• I moved out with some friends at the last minute about 3 months after I got my job. That really did not go well. We all lost a lot of money to the girl and her father that we moved in with. My best friend lost the most, since her has to take money out of her trust fund.
  
• Then we (minus the girl) moved back to my "hometown." It was a lot closer to my work, so I was all for it. It's in a great area too.
  
• One of my friends (and the girlfriend of my best friend) was unemployed for about 4-5 months (when we were still in the crappy place). We had to pay her share of the bills. In late August she finally got a good job (albeit seasonal) but didn't save any of her money. She spent it. Almost all $1000+ a month. Our rent, including bills was $400. She was short on rent and bills. A lot. I had to cover a lot of it. I, then and now, make half what she did a month. Then she lost her job again (well the first time she quit, went to a new job, quit that and went back to the other one and then got the seasonal job, but kept the first one. They stopped putting her on the schedule) and managed to force one out of her father. Well, around March, my best friend (she's a girl, just thought I needed to say that) broke up with her. We were all sick of her by then, but she didn't see that. She thought she'd only be going to her father's for a few days to "recover." I let slip she wasn't coming back. The drama of that was mostly funny as hell. (Side note: She did lose the job she got from her day too. Apparently she couldn't hide her racism in the work place.)
  
• During the last year and a half I was a socially awkward, overweight, shy, self conscious girl with very low self-esteem. After that year and a half, after depending on myself for food, clothes, money, etc, I became a crazy, energetic, minimally overweight (I lost 20 pounds), only somewhat shy, barely self conscious, mostly confident young adult. Short skirts and better sewing skills helped with that.
• In late March, after the horrible roommate fiasco and having another roommate move in, I realized, in a very "HOLY CRAP!! DUH!!" moment that I was very attracted to a friend I had met through my best friend through her work. He's sweet, smart, funny, incredibly dorky and a great big teddy bear. I mean he seriously dwarfs me. He's at least 8 inches taller than me. He finally came by for a visit after several weeks of trying to get him to visit (he told us later that he had been depressed and that his dog had died). I actually had tried to ask him out while we were outside smoking. As we were on our way inside, I asked, but was drowned out by the sounds of the damnable screeching monkeys of my new roomy's. I could have killed him, but instead just took away his monkeys and banned him from touching them. They are currently an inside joke. I chickened out and didn't ask him again until later. Oh, I'd say just after midnight. I texted him. And asked him if he wanted to go out some time. Yes, I know, horrible way to do it, but eh, it worked. Wanna know what he pointed out to me later that week? That it was April 1st when I asked him out. Yeah. April Fools' day. Go me.
  
• Currently, he and I are getting ready to move out in to our own apartment at the beginning of October. It'll make our 6 month anniversary. I love the guy so very much. It's weird, we both felt an instant connection and we both agree that it feels like we have been together the entire time we've known each other. And apparently we scare people with the weird farting noises we do on each others faces.
  
• My roommates have their own plans for moving too. My best friend is unfortunately moving across the state. But she promised to visit regularly.
• As for the Assistant Manager position I mentioned before, the Manager had to go in for surgery on her shoulder and then had to stay out of work for, at the time, 6-8 weeks. That came and went. And then we were informed that she had at least 2-3 months of physical therapy left before she could come back to work. So, she won't be coming back and our District Manager is in the final stages of finding a new manager. She's down to 2 people. We're all rooting for the guy since the woman was not particularly nice. After that I still have to talk to the new Manager about the job and probably have to wait until they are trained, if not longer.
• On a side note, I'm a lot better at sewing than I used to be. I have my own sewing machine and fabric stash too. My mom sews, but I taught myself from quilting and sewing shows. Having the bizarre ability to look at a garment and see the pieces of it and how it's made and to completely formulate how to make/do something just by thinking about it, has really helped in that process.
  

Whoooo. Long post. But that's mostly what I've been up to the last 1 1/2+. I've just feel so different. I only recently noticed that I can actually make eye contact with some one. I've never been able to do that. Not even with family. Who are now all spread across the country. My brother in Michigan, my sister is Oregon, my mom in Montana and me, here in the city I love.